Currently British Steel By Judas Priest the rage see related

here i am: the green-eyed girl. living with one foot in the future and one in the past. living off desperation and soggy dreams, i walk through the forest, remembering words d.h. lawrence wrote far before i was born. such beautiful trains of words. i used to want to make words like that, but now i am too high on my own percieved failure. i think of myself this time next year and i am mostly afraid because i anticipate i will have to stop dressing like a kid and that terrifies me. oh, my selfish, selfish self.

i think about living in a place with brian. i come home and feed triangle and do crunches. i am working-- where? planned parenthood? dairy queen? what city is this? where are my dreams? what are my dreams?

here i am in the eye of the storm. the twilight of my (first) college years. what? how the fuck did that happen.

i need to write a letter to zach, the boy who might have been.

i think about brian and i think "sans toi..." i can barely sleep without him. i indulge in thc and pass out in a puddle of sentiment-- what i deem sacred, what i deem beautiful, what i deem right. who am i to be so bold?

i'm just an animal, after all. a silly female who wouldn't exist without medical technology cutting mom's fallopian tubes free. my species is a pack animal and all day i walk around in my species carefully constructed habitat, bipedal (thus looking ridiculous) and with bizarre patterns of fur. i listen to older members of my species talk at me all day so i can study the intimate/intricate process of mating.

i perpetually need to wash my hair.

with my concentration done with the writing advisor for now and off to my chair, i am here in limbo, waiting for my half-formed dreams to be struck from the (cliche) sky. congress calls it "partial birth abortion". editors call it "revision". i feel like all of my schooling has taught me nothing. i feel stupid all the time. have i failed? i am afraid to discover the answer either way. silly, silly kat.

silly kat needs to work on her paper, but she lacks the motivation. always lacking the motivation, silly kat lies down to laugh and laugh and sleep.

and consume. bubble gum icecream. by the gallon.

we're all dying, here.

ooh, i'm a teenage female. can't you feel my woe? oh, woe is me.